letting the child cry - example of unmodified extinction

Last edited 11/2020 and last reviewed 11/2020

Ensure that the environment is conductive to sleep. A soft light (night-light or landing light), toys in bed (not exciting ones) and possibly a tape recorder playing a story may all help.

The following steps may be necessary and are adapted from:

• it must be agreed between both parents that this method of management is appropriate. There is no dishonour in feeling that this form of management is too harsh.
• the parents must explain to the child what is to happen. They must explain that after they have been kissed goodnight then they are not going to come to him when he cries. They wish him to lie quietly and wait until he falls asleep.
• the child should not get out of the door. However he should be assured that the parents are still around and have not deserted him. A burglar chain or a stairgate in the doorway may be used.
• the parents must behave in such a way to let the child know they around eg talk, watch the TV.
• the parents may have to do something in order to be able to stand listening to the screams. They may have to warn the neighbours.
• the duration of crying before the child goes to sleep should be recorded on a chart.
• the parents should be told that the crying may get worse before it gets better. Often the crying will improve after about 4 nights.
• the child should be rewarded next morning for going to sleep on his own eg a star on the chart at the bottom of his bed.